Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Recovery: one year later

I know, I know, I've been terrible with blogging (social media) these last few months. Truth is, life has just the way. or so I tell myself. Yes, blogging does take a good amount of time, but so does everything else in life. So I'm absolutely determined to better prioritize my (nonexistent) free time and get back into the swing of things! More on that to come because y'all don't want to hear my babbling; onto today's post!

Like I mentioned before in my story and in my Minnie Maud recovery journey, I began "real recovery" sometime in late May 2014. Prior to that I had been yoyo-inb between quasi-recovery, relapse, trying to gain muscle, wanting to keep my thigh gap, low carb/high fat, low carb/low fat (yikes, I know) and just about everything in between, desperately trying to find some way out of the 4+ year nightmare I found myself trapped in.

Prior to May 2014, absolutely nothing worked. At that point in my life, I was dying. I hadn't had a period since March 2010, was addicted to laxatives (multiple types!), spent all my money on sugar free syrups and low carb protein bars, was deeply depressed, had no hormones (yes, my doctors did test after test and results were absolutely dismal), had bradycardia and severe hypotension, and simply saw no future prospects for myself. Real recovery and Minnie Maud was my last resort; I had nothing left to lose. My eating disorder had already consumed my entire life.

Now a year (and a month) after I embarked on my recovery journey I am happier and healthier than ever. It's been a year full of triumphs, of growing up, learning about myself and about people. I've realized how far I've gotten and how much farther I can go. I've experienced first-hand what the healthcare field lacks in terms of disordered eating behaviors and mental health treatment and have become (almost annoyingly) outspoken and proactive about these issues in my classes and on my university campus. I've gotten into contact with so many like-minded individuals and people who are battling their own demons and have had the pleasure to help them through the journey.

I know that everything I've mentioned above sounds so...abstract and vague, but truthfully I simply cannot put everything that recovery given me into words. Okay, maybe a few things:

  1. I'm finally able to start food blogging and have just begun to explore the rich and varied food culture that DC has to offer. Not to mention I've become the go-to person my friends ask for restaurant recommendations
  2. I've found a new hobby in strength-training, following a power lifting and bodybuilding hybrid kind of program. Hey, I'm indecisive so it's nice to be that tiny Asian girl deadlifting more than the big guys in the gym AND getting some hypertrophy work in. Plus glutes. 'Nough said.
  3. I've grown a lot more independent. I decided to stay in DC this summer to intern for a public health non-profit while working at the restaurant to make rent. That means I average a 65-hour week, have learned to navigate public transit like a pro, started booking my own doctors/dentist appointments, and functioned as an adult unit without my parents. Crazy!
Of course, I cannot stress that no matter how much people may make it seem, recovery isn't all rainbows and sunshine. I try to be as transparent as possible with you guys. I struggled a lot (and still do sometimes)! You're not weak when you struggle. Lemme tell you something: you'll hate yourself. There will be days (weeks, months) when you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you'll have crazy mood swings, terrible body image days, times when you want to quit, feel disgusting, fat, ugly, and a failure. It happens to all of us.

But hey, look at my prior three paragraphs of rambling, that struggle is worth it! There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I am laying in it, enjoying the delicious sunshine. And yes, I've said it a million times over and I'll say it again: recovery is ugly but so worth it. You are worth it. When you're living with an eating disorder you have absolutely nothing to lose when you try out real recovery, so why don't you just give it a try? 

Of course, I'm always a resource so don't be afraid to DM me on instagram or just email me!

Now it's your turn:
How has your life changed since recovery?
What's a hobby you've picked up during recovery?